Election News Roundup – Volume 1 (14 September 2016)

– Hillary calls half of Trump supporters ‘Mudbloods’
– Sales of baskets shoot up 200% on Amazon
– Hillary loses her balance while climbing into a van as a result of too many Butterbeers
– Hillary uses the Polyjuice potion to send a body double to appear in front of the press an hour later
– Ann Coulter tries to join the DA by appearing on the Roast of Rob Lowe, gets confused between ‘Scrawny arms Rob Lowe’ and ‘Overly paranoid Rob Lowe’ and bombs her set
– Trump unveils new childcare plan, covers both muggles and wizards (including mudbloods). The Daily Prophet says: “Voldemort’s daughter manages to change him”
– Roger Ailes, who was ousted from Fox News for the unauthorized use of the Love potion, is coaching Voldy (sorry, Trump) on debate prep

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